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mmmm sometimes you come across a piece of media so delicious, it is as if it was waiting for you to read it, just so it could provide you the seed of understanding something deeper and more true about...

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i'm almost certainly making a mistake by changing around meds that affect brain chemistry while i'm in the middle of trying to rewire my brain's pain responses. however i've not been this gleeful in a...

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@millenomi a while back i asked you a question, and while i appreciate the answer you gave then i also want to apologize for asking it in the first place. i believe i was struggling with understanding...

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it is proving to be exceptionally difficult to properly rewire parts of my brain's response to nerve pain, but it is also being unusually rewarding in unexpected ways via intensity of feeling from...

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a phrase i wish i had 20 years ago when i was first prescribed meds for adhd: stimulants don't make it easier to do - or even to choose to do - tasks that i'm obligated or expected to accomplish. they...

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had a night where sleep was not possible thanks to unusual joint pain. while i just had a sleepless night the other day, this one is different and more annoying.

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i seem to be doing better today but not by much. although i do feel close to understanding something important about my mind and myself. exploring how my brain responds to nerve pain has been such an...

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it still impresses me how tiring it is to exist. although it is not the constant struggle that is tiring, but the amount of useless and bothersome complexity that has been incorporated into daily life...

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eating some delicious blackberries :3

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cw: painah, fuck, while i'm slowly getting use to what it feels like to be with much less pain management, it still feels like my skin is being carved back away from my body. it is an intensity of...

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cw: painthe good news is that i feel like i've progressed hugely with this in the last two months. even 6 months ago i couldn't have imagined accepting this outcome as fully as i am. it is so much...

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cw: paini'm still a bit perturbed by how i don't understand how this is happening so seamlessly. it's as though i don't yet understand something as it is so intuitive that it is happening naturally for...

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personal musingsi don't have words for something that i've always known to be true. something so fundamental and instinctual that it guides all thought and sense of being, every decision and...

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personal musingsi think i've always struggled with the idea of reincarnation because of the clarity that i can recall every detail of this life. as that makes it hard to imagine living beyond the scope...

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having a hell of a time this evening. i'm so close, so freaking close, to successfully learning how to not let my pain consciously bother me. i am so looking forward to having this ordeal be over,...

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ugh, first time in weeks i've felt tired and it is just as gross as i remember it being.

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cw: painbad pain day. it's worse than normal because it isn't the high intensity frissons, instead it is the raw ache of a wound. i probably should be describing it as fortunate that i've not been so...

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cw: chronic painidle thought: if i could replace all my bones with something else, would the pain be not so bad? i mean at that point i might as well just change all my limbs for the sake of...

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part of my mind still says it is an induced madness to subject oneself to suffer needlessly when medications are available to ease pain. however there is another part that is convinced that there is...

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yesterday was great and amazing in a way i didn't expect that was absolutely on brand for myself yet also took almost everyone around me in shock and surprise. it's sometimes the little pleasures in...

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