to expand on this, for the past 3-4 days i've been unable to do anything other than sit here - unable to move - and just try to be with this intensity without totally losing myself in it. i've basically been glued to a book every waking minute to keep my mind occupied and away from the experience, but that has only managed to mitigate so much. it is a very weird experience for me to have so much willpower focused on something without it being consciously directed at said thing.
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